The Last Birthday
by QoS
Summary: Wildrider comes up with the perfect birthday gift...which goes horribly wrong.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note : This one's a very belated birthday gift for anon_decepticon._

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

Wildrider slewed off the road, crushing grass under his tires, and drove until he couldn't hear anything after he turned his stereo off. Not that he usually cared about police cars or Autobots getting in his way, but tonight that would be a distraction from what he had planned. He braked to a halt and popped a door open.

"Okay, here we are," he said.

"Great." Geri put one foot on the ground to get a feel of where they were, then climbed out of the passenger seat. She held on to the door for a moment, then let go, stretching a hand out as she moved a few cautious steps away. "Where exactly is here?"

"Edge of a national park, near the Santa Cruz Mountains." Wildrider transformed, trying to keep her more or less in his headlights as he did so. "And before it turns midnight, happy birthday!"

Geri had found a bench by the side of a dirt path, and she ran her palm over the seat before she sat down. "Thank you."

Wildrider grinned. "I'll bet you have no idea what your surprise present this year is gonna be."

"No, I really don't," Geri said, clasping her hands in her lap.

"Well, the surprise is…I don't have an actual present for you."

"Oh, thank God."

"What?" Wildrider said, startled.

"Uh, oh my God!" Geri sat up straighter. "You forgot my birthday present?"

"No, of course I didn't forget!" He'd never forgotten her birthday, and given the state of his memory, that was something to be proud of. "Give me some credit, kiddo. But I don't have an actual present for you because you haven't decided what it is yet."

Geri's brows went up. "Come again?"

"This year we're going anywhere you want. Like Disneyland."

"We are?"

"Yeah, that's your present." Wildrider couldn't help being pleased, because finally he'd found a gift she couldn't return. He'd also driven to a quiet secluded place so no one would interrupt them as she decided on their destination. "So c'mon, pick where you want to go."

Geri rubbed her fingers against the sides of her forehead. "Give me a moment to think about this. All right, we're going somewhere that doesn't involve stealing anything, harming anyone, breaking into any place or getting the police after us."

"So, the other side of the road?"

"Ha ha. I'm still thinking."

Wildrider fidgeted. "Well, just think of your favorite place. Maybe Disneyland?"

"I like going to the beach," Geri said.

"Oh, I can take you to the beach." He cheered up at once. Maybe he could build a Cybertronian-sized sandcastle and put her in it.

"But I didn't bring a bathing suit."

"No problem. You can skinny-dip."

Her mouth dropped open. "I'm not skinny-dipping in front of you!"

"Why not? I've seen naked humans before."

"You haven't seen me naked." Geri folded her arms. "And you're never going to."

Wildrider shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Actually, there was that one time when you were changing, and I needed to adjust my rear-view mirror…"

"Oh, God," Geri said, burying her face in her hands so the next words came out muffled. "I don't want to hear it. And we're not going to talk about skinny-dipping or nudity any more, all right?"

"Fine." Wildrider sat down on the grass, because obviously he was stuck here for a little while longer. "Where have you always wanted to go?"

"Japan," Geri said, "but obviously that's not an option." Wildrider reluctantly decided she was right, because he would have liked to see Japan for himself, but there was no way they'd get back early enough for Geri to slip back into her house unnoticed. "I like the science center."

"Great, we'll—"

"But it's closed at this time of night."

This really wasn't turning out to be as much fun as he'd thought it would be. "What about Disneyland? I'm sure that's still open."

"Why are you so keen on Disneyland?" Geri asked.

"Cause I always wanted to go there." He remembered it was her birthday, so there had to be some reason a Disneyland trip would be a present for her. "And you can ride in the teacups."

"I'm sixteen, not six."

Wildrider huffed. "You're a buzzkill, is what you are."

"Hey, I didn't ask you to bring me out here," Geri said defensively.

"Well, what else was I supposed to do for your—" Wildrider stopped as his radio pinged on the Stunticon channel. Great. With his luck tonight, it would turn out to be Motormaster ordering them all on an assignment.

" _Hey, Wildrider,"_ Breakdown said over the radio. " _I was supposed to be on monitor duty, but Swindle must've torqued someone off—_ "

" _Again,"_ Dead End's smooth drawl cut in.

"— _so he got stuck with it and we're on the road_ ," Breakdown finished.

" _ETA four minutes_ ," Drag Strip said.

" _Wait, you're all on your way here?"_ Wildrider thought he would almost have preferred Motormaster and the assignment.

" _Wow,"_ Drag Strip said, " _can't put anything past you. Yeah, we thought we'd find you before we head out for some fun."_

" _What are you doing out there, anyway?"_ Breakdown asked. " _Are you on an assignment?"_

" _Uh, no_." Wildrider had never been able to lie convincingly on the spur of the moment, and his teammates usually saw through any such attempts.

" _Great_ ," Drag Strip said. " _And we've got the whole night off."_

" _Awesome,"_ Wildrider said, and closed the channel. Geri was giving him a puzzled look, because although she couldn't see, there was nothing wrong with her audials, and he'd gone very quiet there. "Sorry about this, kiddo, but the rest of the gang's on their way here."

"Your team?" She was on her feet at once. "Well, take me back home!"

"I can't. They'll wonder why I'm heading off at top speed and they'd follow me." There was no way he could evade them, even if he wanted to, because Dead End had far better radar and Drag Strip was faster. "It's okay, Motormaster's not with them."

"Oh, well, that makes everything all right then."

Wildrider shook his head. "Actually, it doesn't. Dead End wouldn't care if I'm hanging out with a human, but Breakdown and—"

"I was being sarcastic!" Geri looked as though she wanted to sink her face into her hands again. "All right, if I can't go back home, I need to hide until they're gone."

"Hide. Good idea!" Wildrider looked around and saw the perfect place. "I'm gonna need to pick you up, okay?"

She nodded, so he scooped her up carefully and carried her across a clearing to the nearest tree. When he put her down, she stumbled a little on ground made rough and uneven by roots, but caught herself with one hand against the tree trunk. Wildrider thought for a moment of putting her on a high branch, but decided against it—what if the branch broke and she fell? And with the way his night was going, she'd fall on one of the other Stunticons, who would squash her in an astrosecond.

"There's a big hole in the tree right in front of you," he said. "You can hide there."

"A hole?" Geri drew back. "There could be snakes inside!"

"You wanna take your chances with Drag Strip? Cause he hates your guts."

"Hi, snakes," Geri said, and climbed in. As Wildrider had hoped, she was completely out of sight. He stepped away from the tree, but before he could think of how to look busy, the sound of engines roared in the distance. Headlights glowed, hi-beams blazing through the night, and the other Stunticons drove into the clearing.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note : And since today is my birthday, here's chapter two. Enjoy!_

* * *

Drag Strip came to a stop, transformed and looked around. "This place is pretty boring."

"You're telling me," Wildrider said. "I was trying to figure out where to go."

"Well, that's what we're here for." Even in the near-darkness, Drag Strip's grin was visible. "How about we have a race, and the winner gets to decide what we'll all do?"

"Fine by me," Breakdown said. Dead End had transformed too, but he just sat down on the grass, produced a polishing cloth and began to work on his fender panels.

"I can't." Wildrider would have liked to race, but even if Geri was perfectly safe where she was, she couldn't stay inside a tree all night. And he was half afraid that after the race was done, he wouldn't remember where he'd left her. He could easily recognize landmarks on the road, but all trees looked the same to him.

"What do you mean, you can't?" Breakdown asked.

"Well, you don't need to decide," Drag Strip said. "Once I win, I'll find something really fun for us to do." His voice lowered to a purr. "We could interface."

"Uh, maybe later." Wildrider had never been less in the mood, and he had a feeling that Geri really wouldn't enjoy having to listen to two—or more—Stunticons getting it on.

"You want some downtime?" Breakdown said. "There's a drive-in theater showing your favorite film."

"What, _Kill Bill_?" Wildrider said, perking up. He'd only seen that on their eighty-inch TV, which wasn't big by Cybertronian standards. It would be great to watch the movie on a much larger screen.

And he would have liked the rest of his team to see it too, because it reminded him of them. The Bride was Drag Strip—not just the bright yellow, but the plan to leave the team and strike out alone. Elle Driver, the big nasty one, was Motormaster as a blonde, right down to the devotion to Bill or Megatron. Budd, the fatalist who was still a dangerous enemy, was Dead End, and Vernita Green, the blue and white one with the lethal sneak attack, was a dead ringer for Breakdown.

As for himself, like O-Ren Ishii, he was the Bride's favorite teammate, he was happiest in the company of his friends, and he had a teenage sidekick. Though unlike Gogo, Geri had far better taste than to ever consider Ferraris "Italian trash".

 _Geri,_ he thought, remembering abruptly that she was still inside the tree. He couldn't just abandon her.

"I can't leave," he said again.

"Why not?" Drag Strip asked.

Increasingly desperate, Wildrider racked his mind for some answer, any answer. Three sets of glowing purple optics were now fixed on him, which made him a little sympathetic to what Breakdown normally felt under such circumstances—it didn't help his thought processes at all. Why, why, why had he ever imagined bringing Geri out here to choose a birthday present was a good idea?

"I got you a present," he heard himself blurt out. "For your birthday."

"Really?" Drag Strip said happily.

Breakdown's optics narrowed a little as the ridges above them drew together. "Our birthday isn't till March. Next year."

" _Play along, will you?"_ Wildrider told him over the Stunticon channel. "No harm in being prepared, right?" he said to Drag Strip.

"Course not." Drag Strip looked around again, with much more interest than he'd shown the first time. "So, where is it?"

"Where's what?" Wildrider asked.

"My present!"

Wildrider went blank again. "I can't remember."

"Did you get presents for Breakdown and me as well?" Dead End asked.

Wildrider switched to the radio channel again, directing this transmission at Dead End alone. " _No, because there aren't any slagging presents for anyone! So can you all_ _just go?_ "

" _Are you having another episode?_ " Dead End replied.

"Is my present somewhere around here?" Drag Strip asked.

Wildrider nodded. "Why don't you go back home and I'll look for it?"

"Or we could search for it," Drag Strip said. "Bet I find it first." He nudged Dead End with his elbow. "C'mon, don't just stand there. Help me look."

Dead End's visor flashed a blink. "Why should I bother looking for a nonexistent present?"

"What do you mean, nonexistent? Wildrider got me a gift!"

"No, Wildrider said he got you a gift. Wildrider has also said, on various occasions, that triangles change shape when no one's looking, the interior of Soundwave's chest leads to Narnia, and his stuffed kangaroo once talked to him."

Drag Strip's enthusiasm had visibly drained away during that little speech, and by the end of it he looked ready to kick something. "I should have known."

" _What exactly is going on, Wildrider?_ " Breakdown said over the radio.

" _I can't tell you._ "

"I'll bet I won't get a present next year either!" Drag Strip said.

Dead End sighed. "I'm not sure what's more unrealistic, your expectation that he would remember our birthday or your hope of survival until next year."

" _Well, I'm not leaving until I find out,_ " Breakdown said.

Wildrider nearly groaned. When Breakdown was determined to figure something out, he never stopped working at it. Dead End would give up if something was too difficult—or mildly difficult, or inconvenient, or likely to cut into his primping time—and Drag Strip could be distracted by racing or a challenge or compliments. But Breakdown was too smart to fall for anything like that, and Wildrider didn't feel like making up another story, especially after the last one had landed him in so much trouble. For someone with a faction name that was all about lying, he really wasn't living up to it.

" _Fine_ ," he said, giving in. " _I've got a human hiding in the hole in that tree."_

"What?" Breakdown took three strides to the tree before Wildrider could stop him. He bent down and peered into the hollow.

Then he let out a strangled yell, leaped back and pulled his rifle from subspace. Dead End started up from the ground and Drag Strip drew his gun too, on sheer reflex. Wildrider made sure his forcefield was on at full strength, and sidled close to the tree.

"It looked at me!" Breakdown sputtered, still backing away. "It looked straight at me!"

"She can't see you!" Wildrider said, exasperated. "And did you have to tell everyone?"

"So that's what this is all about!" Drag Strip snapped. "You didn't want to go anywhere with us because you'd rather hang out with that disgusting little piece of slag! And you were lying about my present."

Dead End lowered himself back to the ground, propping his arms on his drawn-up knees. "I knew there wasn't any present." He rested his chin on his forearms. "There never is."

"Can you two stop going on about slagging presents?" Wildrider said.

"You started it!" Drag Strip told him.

Breakdown spoke in a whisper. "Why is it hiding in a hole? Is it spying on us?"

"Oh, fragging Primus." Wildrider could tell Drag Strip was trying to aim around him, so he moved in front of the hollow. "She hid so you wouldn't get freaked out when you saw her. She's not spying on us."

Drag Strip subspaced his gun. "Of course she's not spying on us. She seems like a nice human."

"What?" For a moment Wildrider thought he was hallucinating, because he couldn't have heard right. Drag Strip hated Geri, for the simple reason that he hated sharing anything he considered his, including his teammates, especially with an organic creature who was nowhere near as powerful or fast as he was.

"A very nice human." Drag Strip went to a knee and spoke in what he clearly intended to be a soft, encouraging coo—which, given his deep gravelly voice, was likely to scare off anything short of Motormaster. "Come out, little human. No one's going to hurt you. Come on out."

"She's blind, not stupid," Wildrider told him.

Drag Strip sneered. "You're both."

Those were fighting words. Wildrider started towards him and Drag Strip straightened up at once, fists clenched, but Breakdown stepped between them. "Are you two really planning to fight over a human?" he asked.

"No, that's what Wildrider wants to fight about," Drag Strip said, looking very put-upon. "I want us all to enjoy our night off, but he'd rather waste his time with some slimy little glitch. Maybe he's hung out with a human so long that he doesn't like to do anything together with his team."

"Oh, that's rich," Wildrider said. "You, playing the team card."

Dead End nodded. "He has a point," he said to Drag Strip. "If you were guaranteed victory in any race you ran in the future, provided you left your gestalt, you'd answer, 'Left who?' Then you'd drive off so fast it would make a Seeker's head spin."

Drag Strip rounded on him. "So you're fine with him playing with humans and lying to us about it?"

Dead End shrugged. "I couldn't care less either way."

"Then you don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to loyalty, so don't talk to me about the team." He turned back to Wildrider. "And I'll tell you something else about that human you're so fond of—it's a coward."

"Come again?" Wildrider said. Geri had an annoying habit of refusing to go along with some of the fun things he wanted to do, but that didn't make her a coward.

Drag Strip's lip curled. "Anyone worth defending wouldn't hide behind you."

Before Wildrider could say anything, a voice came from inside the tree. "Anyone with common sense would keep out of sight." He glanced down, stunned, as Geri put her hands on the edge of the hollow and pulled herself out, first one leg and then the other.

She landed on the ground outside and straightened up. "But I'd rather not stay in there all night waiting for the argument to stop," she said, and picked a splinter of wood from her hair.


End file.
